MOUNT HUKALAKAKA, HAWAII- Mary Sue Shnow watches the Channel Seven news intently, her hazel eyes open as wide as they possibly can. She doesn’t blink. She’s afraid she’ll miss her school district’s name on the list of school closings.
“Well, what if I do blink and I miss the name and I go to school, when there is no school,” Shnow said. “Could you imagine how horrible that would be? To be outside of a school closed. To be alone and cold and scared and…”
Shnow pauses, then bursts into tears. Her eyeliner smudges as a river of tears flows down her cheeks. Then her district’s name is called. No school for Shnow. And she lets out a guttural scream like a Justin Bieber fan-girl.
Shnow is not the only one who enjoys snow days. According to a recent study done by the Institute of Snow, 999 in 1000 students actually enjoy snow days. The results have baffled scientists across the globe.
“I just can’t believe students actually enjoy days off from school,” Dr. Ronald Haz Noclue, the director of the Institute of Ice, said. “These results must be replicated as soon as possible. A result as shocking as this is not only groundbreaking, but controversial. I imagine many will say these findings are false.”
Dr. Noshit Sherlock, a fellow scientist, disagrees.
“Of course kids like days off from school,” Sherlock said. “I mean, look at the state of the education in the schools. Poor at best. I think this study shows how lacking we are in terms of the education of the posterity.”
But Haz Noclue thinks Sherlock has no clue.
“Sherlock is trying to raise a hullabaloo about what is most likely an inaccurate study,” Haz Noclue said. “He’s a dirty rotten liar, and I stick my well distinguished and educated tongue out at him.”
|On snow days, kids enjoy eating snow, which also happens |
to be a good source of essential vitamins and minerals and
Omega-3 Fatty Acids. It also happens to be delicious...
except for yellow snow. Avoid that stuff.
Superintendents across the country have also weighed in, including Steve Shmuck, the superintendent of Shnow’s district.
“I know these kids, and this study is completely false,” Shmuck said. “These kids love to learn. In fact, when we close the schools, we’re worried of having a riot on our hands. Kids are unhappy when they can’t receive their education.”
“Snow days rock my rainbow colored socks off,” Shnow said. “If I had it my way, school wouldn’t just be out for summer. It’d be out forever.”