Thursday, August 18, 2011

How to Seduce Any Woman

Imagination Station:

Sterling Rambo here.  That's right ladies and gentlemen, I'm back.  It's been awhile because I was busy doing manly things on an uber manly man adventure in the manly town known as San Francisco.  As a man, I feel it is my manly duty to illustrate my man powers to bagging any chick.  And by bagging, I mean getting romantically involved, not literally putting a bag on a woman.  That's never acceptable, unless if she's ugly.

Here are some sure fire tips to seduce any woman:

1. Be a man, a well groomed man.  Chicks dig the facial hair, if it's done right.

  This is a questionable choice of facial hair.  And that was an incredibly manly and punny choice of words.

2. Roofies.  You'll have her head over heels.

3. Play a Barry White song.

 4. Or be Barry White. 

5. Be incredibly rich.  Make it rain dollar bills.  Or, if you're a high-roller, make it rain quarters.  She'll be weak in the knees when she hears those quarters hit the ground.

6. Write her a poem or google one.


Roses are red
Violets are blue
You're so hot
As am I too
So let's make babies

7.  Learn to speak as if you were an English gentleman with a gentlmanly air about your manliness, to which she shall not be able to resist.

8.  Enhance your manly odor.  Bathing in cologne is necessary.

Go forth you manly men and swoon all the ladies.  Make Papa Sterling proud. 

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Five Ways to Pay for College

Imaginary Station:

This is how a high-roller rolls.

College costs are on the rise, and you, the poor impoverished college student, needs to find a way to pay for it.  Well, here are some sure-fire ways you can pay for college:

1. Strippin' to pay for Law/Medical School 

2. Win the lottery

3. Befriend a lonely, rich, old person

4. Find buried treasure

5. Pay with Monopoly money.  They'll never know the difference.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Booty Shorts

Imagine these in a neon pink. 

Today I was scared for life by neon pink booty shorts and the reason I call those shorts booty shorts and not short shorts is because half of her ass was hanging out of them.  Classy.

She was working out and decided to stop at the tables outside Whole Foods to stretch.  Look, I get it.  It's hot out, you're hot and sweaty when you work out, but another inch or so longer shorts is not going to take you from "Oh, these shorts are so breezy and light" to "OMG I'm gonna die!  It's so hot.  These shorts are gonna make me get a heat stroke."

So for heaven's sake lady outside of Whole Foods, get some longer shorts.  I don't want to see your booty.  I just wanted to go buy a tuna sandwich, my Guayaki tea, and then go home and enjoy my lunch, but now I have that horrible image ingrained in my mind.  If part of your butt-cheek is hanging outside your shorts, then they might just be a tad too short.

Heck, go ahead and classy them up and bedazzle "JUICY" across them, because I don't think anyone noticed your half-of-my-ass-is-hanging-out neon pink shorts.

Are those even legal to wear?

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Tiny Thoughts with Tiffany 3

Imagination Station:

Every Tuesday, Tiffany, the most popular girl at her school, shares her thoughts of the day.  Some are funny, others serious, but they are always poignant and deep. 

So, like hi everybody out there.  It's summer, and I'm like totally having the most epic summer ever.  I've been tanning and reading and tanning.  Yeah, I know, you've actually been reading Tiffany?  Yeah, actually I totally have been and it's been like really awesome.  I stopped reading Seventeen Magazine and decided to go with some that had like a more harder word choice.  So, I picked up a copy of Cosmo.  Really hard word choice.

#1 pencil ;) LOLZ
Anyway, I had another thought today and I decided it was time to share it with you all.  I was shopping for a new Fendi purse online and put it in my shopping cart and then it asked for a credit card.  I went to talk to my mom and I wrote down her credit card info, but before I did that, I had to find a pencil so I could write it down.  Who knew that pencils are not only great for erasing, but for writing too?  I know, I was totally shocked.

So, I went to my mom's desk and grabbed a pencil.  Then it hit me.  Like why are #2 pencils still #2 if they're like the most popular pencils?  We always have to use them on tests and like have you ever seen a #1 pencil?  No.  So, why aren't #2 pencils #1?  It's like so confusing.  Maybe it's a political statement.  Or like an error.  Like when the pencil guys were writing out the name, they like totally meant #1 but wrote #2 and then didn't spell check it.  


Like that was my so very thoughtful thought of the day, so hope you guys enjoyed it :)  And if not, then whatever.