Sunday, March 13, 2011

Boobs

Reality:



Really?  Really?  Look guys, you aren't fooling anyone.  We women know you like to look at boobs, so you don't have to try and justify it with science, and I don't suggest going up to a woman, staring right at her boobs for ten minutes, and then letting her know that she just bettered your health or life or whatever.  It won't end in a chance to hug or motorboat her.  It will end with a slap. 

Here's what goes through a woman's mind when a guy is staring at her boobs:

Quick glance- "Oh, he just looked at my boobs.  It must have been an accident."

Another quick glance- "He looked at my boobs again.  He likes them.  I'm flattered, and my boobs are flattered too."

Yet another quick glance- "Aw, he's trying to hide the fact that he wants to look at my boobs.  How cute.  My boobs think you're adorable too."

Ten second look- "Okay, he's being more obvious about it now."

20 second look- "I hope he's still listening to what I'm saying.  I'm still somewhat flattered, but I'm starting to get a little creeped out."

30 second look- "My eyes are up here buddy."

40 second look- "WTF?  Is this the zoo and are my boobs the main attraction?  Words are coming out of my mouth.  Is he even hearing them?  I have important things to say damnit.  Important things about the shoes I really want to buy."

One minute stare- "Maybe if I cough or something he will look at my face again."

One minute ten second stare- "Ah!  His eyes are stalking my boobs.  Boob stalker.  Oh God, I hope this guy doesn't go home and build a shrine to my boobs."

Anything beyond one minute and ten seconds- "Fucking perv."

Now, here's what I'm assuming goes through a guy's mind when he's staring at a woman's boobs:

Quick glance: "Boobs."

Another quick glance: "Pretty boobs."

Yet another quick glance: "Me like boobs."

Ten second look: "Boobs."

20 second look: "Motorboat boobs."

30 second look: "Me take boobies back to cave."

40 second look: "Boobs."

One minute stare: "I want pet boobies."

One minute 10 second stare: "... BOOBS!!!!"

Anything beyond one minute and ten seconds: "Boobies too pretty.  Me can't handle.  Must touch."-Then the brain implodes or explodes.






1 comment:

  1. That's actually false, what the guy thinks. Because there's a lot of factors that come into play: the amount of cleavage there is, the diameters of the breasts, lift, and shinyness. Take the girl in the video that you see when it's not playing (at about :08). If I saw those breasts in real life, I would probably explode within seconds. My brain too.

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