Sunday, March 13, 2011



Really?  Really?  Look guys, you aren't fooling anyone.  We women know you like to look at boobs, so you don't have to try and justify it with science, and I don't suggest going up to a woman, staring right at her boobs for ten minutes, and then letting her know that she just bettered your health or life or whatever.  It won't end in a chance to hug or motorboat her.  It will end with a slap. 

Here's what goes through a woman's mind when a guy is staring at her boobs:

Quick glance- "Oh, he just looked at my boobs.  It must have been an accident."

Another quick glance- "He looked at my boobs again.  He likes them.  I'm flattered, and my boobs are flattered too."

Yet another quick glance- "Aw, he's trying to hide the fact that he wants to look at my boobs.  How cute.  My boobs think you're adorable too."

Ten second look- "Okay, he's being more obvious about it now."

20 second look- "I hope he's still listening to what I'm saying.  I'm still somewhat flattered, but I'm starting to get a little creeped out."

30 second look- "My eyes are up here buddy."

40 second look- "WTF?  Is this the zoo and are my boobs the main attraction?  Words are coming out of my mouth.  Is he even hearing them?  I have important things to say damnit.  Important things about the shoes I really want to buy."

One minute stare- "Maybe if I cough or something he will look at my face again."

One minute ten second stare- "Ah!  His eyes are stalking my boobs.  Boob stalker.  Oh God, I hope this guy doesn't go home and build a shrine to my boobs."

Anything beyond one minute and ten seconds- "Fucking perv."

Now, here's what I'm assuming goes through a guy's mind when he's staring at a woman's boobs:

Quick glance: "Boobs."

Another quick glance: "Pretty boobs."

Yet another quick glance: "Me like boobs."

Ten second look: "Boobs."

20 second look: "Motorboat boobs."

30 second look: "Me take boobies back to cave."

40 second look: "Boobs."

One minute stare: "I want pet boobies."

One minute 10 second stare: "... BOOBS!!!!"

Anything beyond one minute and ten seconds: "Boobies too pretty.  Me can't handle.  Must touch."-Then the brain implodes or explodes.

1 comment:

  1. That's actually false, what the guy thinks. Because there's a lot of factors that come into play: the amount of cleavage there is, the diameters of the breasts, lift, and shinyness. Take the girl in the video that you see when it's not playing (at about :08). If I saw those breasts in real life, I would probably explode within seconds. My brain too.