Thursday, March 24, 2011


Imagination Station:

Welcome class, my name is Dandelion Skylark and I will be guiding you through today's practice.

Now walk to the front of the mat.  We will begin in a simple Mountain Pose.  Pretend you are Everest.  Stand proud and tall.  Fell like a string is pulling up your spine and the crown of your head.  Your shoulders are back and down.  Suck in that gut.  Now, let's just stay here for awhile in this pose.

Feel this pose.  Feel your breath.  Feel gravity pulling you down.  Feel this pose.  Caress it.  Love it.  Flirt with it.  Now tell it that you've grown complacent with this relationship.  Let it know that you feel like you don't know who it is anymore.  Tell it that you want to see other poses as you exhale down into a fold.

Pretend you are like a piece of paper folding in half.  Let's just breath here for a second.


A nice, calming, relaxing breath.


Now we will move into Swaying Tree Pose.  Roll your body up one vertebrae at a time.  Place your arms into the air like you are reaching to give the sky a big old hug.  Now rock slowly back and forth.  You are a tree, swaying in the gale force winds of a steady summer's breeze.  You are in a forest, in a beautiful national park until some evil, greedy corporate assholes come and decide "Oh tree, you don't need to be a tree.  You need to be paper."  So they whip out a chainsaw and they begin to cut into your stump and all the other trees are crying and you're crying and your blood of maple syrup is spilling everywhere as you scream "Oh God, why?  Why me?"  And then these douche bags pull a total dick move and are all like "Die bitch die.  MU HA HA HA!  I have destroyed nature!"

Now continue swaying and move into Hello Sun Pose.  Reach both of your hands out an wave hello to the sun.  Greet the sun.

Hello sun.

Now greet the sunshine.

Hello sunshine.

Exhale as you go into another fold.  As your palms touch the floor, say hello to the ground.

Hello ground.

Say hello to the soil.

Hello soil.

Thank the soil for growing things.

Thank you soil for growing things like carrots, which are tasty.  But no thank you to tomatoes.  Those are gross.

Don't worry if you split your pants.
Yoga is about the natural flow of things.
Better yet, just don't wear pants. 
Now come down on the mat and move into Turtle Pose.  Begin by stretching your arms and legs.  Now slowly flap your arms and legs down.  You are a turtle.  A cute, little sea turtle, swimming in the sea, just enjoying the serenity and peace of nature.  That is until you mistake a piece of plastic for fish and you gobble it up, but it's too big for your throat, so you viciously and slowly choke to death, fully aware of the last moments of your life all because some dipshit decided to be all like "Fuck trashcans, that's what the ocean's here for... Bitch."

Now take some deep, calming breaths in.  Come back to Mountain Pose.  Stay in Mountain Pose.  Listen to the sound of your calming breath.


Let that rhythm wash over you as you think about tightening and then relaxing all the muscles in your body.  Clasp your hands in prayer.

Thank you for joining me on this workout and spiritual experience.


1 comment:

  1. I like that you used a rhetorical style in which you put the slow calm sentences apart from each other in different paragraphs, whereas you kept the crazy parts where Skylark rambles on knit together in a paragraph to control the flow of the words.