EXTRA! EXTRA! Teddy Roosevelt Fights Space Zombies

Imagination Station:

REANIMATED GALAXY— Uggggghhhh.

That’s what the hoard of space zombies moan as they float towards Earth. They are expected to reach Earth’s atmosphere on Jan. 15.


This was my Christmas gift from the talented Claire
Donaldson.  This was the inspiration for the story.



The ghastly droning can be heard for miles away, but it doesn’t faze former president and current zombie hunter Theodore Roosevelt. The former Rough Rider is embracing adventure and danger, taking on the role of saving humanity from space zombies.

“Get action,” Roosevelt said about killing zombies. “Seize the moment. Man was never intended to become an oyster.”

And Roosevelt is no oyster as he squeezes the trigger of his yellow Remington ESX Laser, and the beam of concentrated energy splits open a space zombie’s brain, killing him for good.

“I am not leading this fight as a matter of aesthetic pleasure,” Roosevelt said. “I am leading because someone must lead or else the fight will not be made at all.”

The space zombies draw nearer, attracted by Roosevelt’s orange jumpsuit. The moans grow louder as their jaws hang open. Bones stick out and flesh peels off of them. They smell like a full diaper that was left to bake in the humid, summer Missouri sun. One of them licks the inside of his glass helmet.

The United States, as well as the United Nations are at a standstill as to what to do. The Republicans want to blow them all up. The Democrats want to make them citizens. Neither side can seem to compromise.

At the moment, Roosevelt is the only one protecting Earth from the impending space zombie invasion, but he realizes he can’t do it alone. He is begging world leaders, especially American leaders, to get involved.

“A typical vice of American politics is the avoidance of saying anything real on real issues,” Roosevelt said. “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft.”