Booty Shorts

Imagine these in a neon pink. 

Reality:


Today I was scared for life by neon pink booty shorts and the reason I call those shorts booty shorts and not short shorts is because half of her ass was hanging out of them.  Classy.

She was working out and decided to stop at the tables outside Whole Foods to stretch.  Look, I get it.  It's hot out, you're hot and sweaty when you work out, but another inch or so longer shorts is not going to take you from "Oh, these shorts are so breezy and light" to "OMG I'm gonna die!  It's so hot.  These shorts are gonna make me get a heat stroke."

So for heaven's sake lady outside of Whole Foods, get some longer shorts.  I don't want to see your booty.  I just wanted to go buy a tuna sandwich, my Guayaki tea, and then go home and enjoy my lunch, but now I have that horrible image ingrained in my mind.  If part of your butt-cheek is hanging outside your shorts, then they might just be a tad too short.

Heck, go ahead and classy them up and bedazzle "JUICY" across them, because I don't think anyone noticed your half-of-my-ass-is-hanging-out neon pink shorts.

Are those even legal to wear?

Tiny Thoughts with Tiffany 3

Imagination Station:

Every Tuesday, Tiffany, the most popular girl at her school, shares her thoughts of the day.  Some are funny, others serious, but they are always poignant and deep. 


So, like hi everybody out there.  It's summer, and I'm like totally having the most epic summer ever.  I've been tanning and reading and tanning.  Yeah, I know, you've actually been reading Tiffany?  Yeah, actually I totally have been and it's been like really awesome.  I stopped reading Seventeen Magazine and decided to go with some that had like a more harder word choice.  So, I picked up a copy of Cosmo.  Really hard word choice.

#1 pencil ;) LOLZ

Anyway, I had another thought today and I decided it was time to share it with you all.  I was shopping for a new Fendi purse online and put it in my shopping cart and then it asked for a credit card.  I went to talk to my mom and I wrote down her credit card info, but before I did that, I had to find a pencil so I could write it down.  Who knew that pencils are not only great for erasing, but for writing too?  I know, I was totally shocked.


So, I went to my mom's desk and grabbed a pencil.  Then it hit me.  Like why are #2 pencils still #2 if they're like the most popular pencils?  We always have to use them on tests and like have you ever seen a #1 pencil?  No.  So, why aren't #2 pencils #1?  It's like so confusing.  Maybe it's a political statement.  Or like an error.  Like when the pencil guys were writing out the name, they like totally meant #1 but wrote #2 and then didn't spell check it.  


Totally.  


Like that was my so very thoughtful thought of the day, so hope you guys enjoyed it :)  And if not, then whatever.

Trapped in a Sea of Giant Crabs

Imagination Station:


Sterling Rambo has a manly man adventure, because he's a man.


My name is Sterling Rambo, and I'm a man.  Yes ladies, a hunky, sexy piece of American man beef equipped with two guns: the left and the right bicep.  And those guns saved my life when I went out on a date with Bunny Sexton to a quant little marsh.

We (Bunny, Bunny's bountiful bosoms, and I) were having a swell time at the marsh.  She wore khaki booty shorts and a red top that showed off the twins.  I wore pants and no shirt.  Why?  It was hot out, and I'm hot because I have massive amounts of man muscle and man hair.  Testosterone is my middle name.  No.  Actually it's not.  It's Wilbur.

Anyway, I was just about to close the deal with Bunny (she promised to give me a signed poster of my man idol Ricky Martin), when out of no where, giant crabs attacked us.

"Oh Sterling," Bunny moaned.  "Help me.  These giant crabs are attacking me.  Oh, I must put my hand near my face and look dramatically towards you to plead for help with my eyes."

"Bunny, don't fret, I'll hop over there and save you," I said, running in manly slow motion to get to her.

"Oh hurry Sterling.  These crabs are about to rip all my clothes off," Bunny cried.

I paused for a moment.  "My God," I looked at her.  "All of your clothes?"

"Yes Sterling.  Every shred."

"My God, how dare they," I cocked my pistol.  "I won't let those crabs defile you.  That's my manly man job."

I continued running in slow motion towards her, firing my pistol as I shook my manly man head so my manly mane could billow in the breeze.

Bang.  Bang.  Pow.  Zip.  Splat.  Bang.  Bzz.  Tzz.  Bang.  Boom.  


And it was all over.  The crabs were gone, but so was Bunny.  I got to her too late.  The crabs had killed her.  It was sad and almost brought a man tear to my eye, but luckily that whole escapade didn't make me late for my date with Savannah Michaels.

Anyway, there is a manly moral to this manly story about manly hero-ness:  Crabs kill.

Tiny Thoughts With Tiffany 2

Imagination Station:

Every Tuesday, Tiffany, the most popular girl at her school, shares her thoughts of the day.  Some are funny, others serious, but they are always poignant and deep. 

So like hey guys, it’s Tiffany again, and I’ve got like another tiny thought for Tuesday, so like be super excited to hear it.  Are you super excited to hear it?  Okay, good.  

So, I was totally skipping school today because it was a school day, and I think like learning is stupid.  I'm already educationed.  The way I see it, there are two goals to school.  One is being literate, which I can totally read.  I read Seventeen Magazine all the time.  The other is basic adding.  One plus one equals eleven.  High five to myself for my awesome math skills.

Anyway, since I already learneded stuff, I went to my friend Ashley's house and hung out there.  She has an aquarium with fish.  I thought that was not cool, so I told Ashley that having an aquarium was animal abuse.

And then she said, "Like why do you think that?"

And then I was like, "Ashley, like OMG, are you for realz?  Like you're drowning your fish."

And then she was like, "Oh, but Tiffany, fish live in water."

But then I was like, "BS Ashley.  If they live underwater, then how can they breath?"

Ashley totally took a pensive pause at this pivotal poignant moment. (OMG, like thumbs up for my alliterizing skills.  I knew I skipped English class for a reason.)  Then she said, "IDK Tiffany, you should google it."

We totally googled it.  Apparently, fish have gills.  

That was my thought for the day.  Glad you guys enjoyed it.  Stay pretty my pretty people.  Oh, but if you're ugly, get pretty and then stay pretty.